When did television decide its theme song should be eight seconds long and sound like a depressed dentist’s office?
There was a time when a television show didn’t just start. It arrived.
The screen faded from black. The network logo appeared. Maybe there was a weird little synthesizer sound. Then the theme song kicked in and, for the next 30 to 90 seconds, you knew exactly where you were going to spend the next half-hour.
We didn’t skip it. We couldn’t skip it. There was just you, the television, a bowl of cereal, a landline phone somewhere in the house and a theme song that eventually became permanently welded to your brain.
Some were catchy. Some were beautiful. Some were ridiculous. Some were essentially musical exposition dumps. And some were so good that you would sit through the entire thing even when you had already seen the episode three times.
There is no “greatest of all time” — no #1.
This is the Fan Stop Nation Television Theme Song Hall of Fame — a celebration of the opening songs, instrumental hooks and earworms that defined the television experience for generations of Xennials.
Because before streaming gave us the ability to skip 45 seconds of opening credits, television networks had a much simpler strategy: make the song impossible to forget.
Cheers: “Where Everybody Knows Your Name”
There are television theme songs … and then there’s Cheers. “Where Everybody Knows Your Name” is essentially a three-minute musical hug from a bar in Boston, and it tells you exactly what the show is about before you’ve seen a single episode.
You are lonely. Life is hard. Work is exhausting. But there is a place where somebody knows your name. That was the magic of Cheers. The theme doesn’t sound like a television theme trying to sell you a sitcom … it sounds like an actual song.
Fan Stop Nation’s Skip Intro Resistance Index: 98.7 percent. The remaining 1.3 percent were people who had somewhere to be.
“I don’t drink at Cheers, but somehow the theme song makes me feel like I owe Norm money.”
Boston bar regular
Miami Vice: “In the Air Tonight”
Technically, Miami Vice didn’t have one theme song in the traditional sense. It had an entire musical identity.
But when Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight” collided with Crockett’s Ferrari, neon lights, pastel suits and Miami at night, television suddenly discovered that a cop show could have the visual language of a rock concert. The famous sequence featuring the song became one of the defining moments of the series and helped establish the show’s music-driven identity.
This was television deciding that sometimes you didn’t need dialogue. You needed synthesizers, a Ferrari, rain, and Phil Collins quietly informing you that something deeply emotional was happening in a city where everyone appeared to own a boat.
Fan Stop Nation’s Pastel-to-Synthesizer Ratio: 1 white suit for every 14 synthesizer notes.
“Miami Vice made every guy in America think he could pull off a pastel jacket. Most of them could not.”
Former men’s fashion consultant
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: “Yo, Homes, to Bel-Air”
Some theme songs introduce a show … The Fresh Prince theme introduces an entire biography.
Will Smith basically spends the opening credits explaining how his life went from Philadelphia to Bel-Air because of one fight. If you were a Xennial kid, there is an excellent chance you knew the entire thing before you understood what a mortgage was.
Fan Stop Nation’s Rap-Along Accuracy Index: 97.4 percent through “West Philadelphia,” declining sharply after “cab.”
“I have never met a person who says they don’t know the Fresh Prince theme who doesn’t immediately start rapping it.”
Former mall food-court DJ
The A-Team
The A-Team theme is the sound of television telling you: Something stupid and awesome is about to happen. No lyrics. No heartfelt singer-songwriter moment. No childhood trauma.
Just drums, horns, synths and approximately enough adrenaline to launch a small military operation.
You heard that opening music and knew:
- Hannibal had a plan.
- B.A. was angry.
- Murdock was insane.
- Face was probably lying to somebody.
- And a van was about to be driven through something that absolutely should not have been driven through.
Fan Stop Nation’s Van-Jump Readiness Index: 91 percent before the first commercial break.
“The A-Team theme increases the average human’s willingness to build a tank out of farm equipment by 73 percent.”
Former Saturday morning action consultant
Magnum P.I.
The original Magnum P.I. theme sounds like television had decided that being a private investigator in Hawaii was basically the greatest job on Earth.
The theme immediately establishes the fantasy.
You’re not going to work today … you’re going to Hawaii, driving a Ferrari, solving crimes in approximately 14 Hawaiian shirts.
Fan Stop Nation’s Hawaiian Shirt Confidence Index: 11 shirts purchased for every one episode watched.
“Magnum P.I. convinced an entire generation that a mustache could be considered professional equipment.”
Former Honolulu men’s fashion consultant
Friday Night Lights
This one is cheating a little.
Friday Night Lights doesn’t have a traditional “everybody sing along in the living room” theme song. Its opening music, composed by Explosions in the Sky, is more of a mood than a theme; and that’s exactly why it works.
The guitars come in. The drums build. The images of Texas roll by. The football field appears. And suddenly, you’re standing in Dillon, Texas, wondering why a high school football game has somehow become a referendum on the human condition.
The music doesn’t have to explain the show. It just has to make you feel what the show feels.
Clear eyes. Full hearts. Great theme song.
Fan Stop Nation’s Friday Night Lights Goosebumps Index: 94 percent during the opening sequence, rising to 137 percent whenever the music kicks in immediately after something terrible happened to Matt Saracen.
“The Friday Night Lights theme doesn’t make you want to play football. It makes you want to stare dramatically at an empty football field while reconsidering your entire life.”
Former Texas high school band director
The Greatest American Hero: “Believe It or Not”
This might be one of the most Xennial theme songs ever recorded.
It wasn’t merely an opening theme … it was an existential crisis set to soft rock. The entire premise of The Greatest American Hero was already absurd: Ralph Hinkley receives a super-powered suit from aliens, immediately loses the instruction manual and has to figure out how to be a superhero.
Naturally, the theme states: “Believe it or not, I’m walking on air.” That’s the entire emotional situation. A guy is trying to become Superman without the manual.
It has that soft-rock sincerity that could only exist in the early 1980s. Today, it would probably be used in an insurance commercial. Back then, it was the soundtrack to a guy trying not to crash into a building.
Fan Stop Nation’s Superhero Manual Misplacement Rate: 100 percent.
“The Greatest American Hero theme taught us that if aliens give you superpowers, the first thing you should do is immediately lose the paperwork.”
Former alien liaison officer
Growing Pains: “As Long as We’ve Got Each Other”
The Growing Pains theme is basically musical comfort food.
It’s warm, earnest, sentimental. It’s the sound of a family sitcom telling you that whatever ridiculous thing happened this week, everybody’s going to sit down together and figure it out. It made the credits feel like part of the family.
Fan Stop Nation’s Family-Sitcom Nostalgia Index: 87 percent chance of suddenly remembering a couch that hasn’t existed since 1994.
“Growing Pains was the first show to make millions of kids think their families could solve anything if everyone just sat in the living room long enough.”
Former television dad
The Golden Girls: “Thank You for Being a Friend”
Few themes have aged better. “Thank You for Being a Friend” is basically the ultimate television friendship anthem.
The Golden Girls version performed by Cynthia Fee became inseparable from Dorothy, Blanche, Rose and Sophia. And if you grew up watching the show, you probably didn’t fully understand how remarkable it was.
Four older women. Living together. Dating. Arguing. Talking about sex. Talking about death. Having actual lives. The theme tells you exactly what you’re getting.
Fan Stop Nation’s Cheesecake Consumption Index: 1.8 slices per emotional crisis.
“The Golden Girls taught America that every problem can be solved with friendship, sarcasm and approximately four pounds of cheesecake.”
Former Miami retirement-community concierge
Hawaii Five-O
This theme doesn’t ask for your attention … it takes it. The opening guitar riff arrives like somebody just kicked down the door of television. Then the drums. Then the horns. Then Hawaii.
The original Hawaii Five-O theme became one of television’s most recognizable instrumental openings and has been covered, sampled and referenced countless times.
You didn’t need to know what the show was about. You heard the theme and knew somebody was about to get arrested near an ocean.
Fan Stop Nation’s Beachside Crime Investigation Index: 100 percent.
“The Hawaii Five-O theme makes even checking the mail feel like a federal investigation.”
Former Honolulu postal inspector
Friends: “I’ll Be There for You”
There is an entire generation of people who hear two handclaps and immediately know what comes next. The theme wasn’t just attached to the show. It became part of pop culture.
The fountain. The couch. The apartment. The handclaps. Jennifer Aniston’s hair.
Six people apparently spending every waking hour in a coffee shop despite having jobs.
Fan Stop Nation’s Handclap Recognition Rate: 100 percent. Failure to identify the song within 0.4 seconds indicates a possible need to recalibrate your Xennial credentials.
“Friends made six people sitting on a couch look like a full-time occupation.”
Former Manhattan coffee-shop manager
M*A*S*H
There are television themes that make you smile. There are themes that make you nostalgic. And then, there’s M*A*S*H.
The theme is melancholy, haunting and completely unlike what you expect from a television sitcom. That’s exactly why it works.
The show was funny, but it was also about war, death, trauma and friendship in an absurd environment.
The theme captured the strange emotional contradiction perfectly. You’re watching comedy about people trying to survive something horrifying. The song sounds like the credits should be rolling over a much more serious drama.
Fan Stop Nation’s Emotional Whiplash Index: 8.9 out of 10 before the opening credits have even finished.
“M*A*S*H was the only sitcom where the theme song could make you question your entire emotional stability before Hawkeye said something inappropriate.”
Former network programming executive
That 70’s Show
Before the opening credits even finish, That ’70s Show has already transported you into a basement full of teenagers, questionable decisions and enough incense smoke to trigger a fire inspection.
Cheap Trick’s version of “In the Street” became the show’s signature, but the real magic was the opening sequence: the car, the singing, the ridiculous grins and a bunch of characters who clearly had nowhere else they needed to be.
Fan Stop Nation’s Basement Hangout Index: 97 percent of viewers immediately wanted to find six friends, a couch and a suspiciously available bowl of snacks.
“That ’70s Show taught an entire generation that apparently you could spend four years doing absolutely nothing and still have a great theme song.”
Former Point Place guidance counselor
The Jeffersons: “Movin’ on Up”
You know a theme song is special when the title becomes a phrase people use decades later. “Movin’ on Up” did exactly that.
The theme song for The Jeffersons was performed by Ja’Net DuBois and Oren Waters and became one of the defining television openings of the era.
George and Weezy weren’t just moving apartments. They were moving into a different life. The song was triumphant. Joyful. A little ridiculous … exactly like George Jefferson.
Fan Stop Nation’s Movin’-On-Up Dance Index: 94 percent of viewers attempted at least one shoulder movement despite possessing no formal choreography training.
“George Jefferson didn’t walk into the deluxe apartment in the sky. He strutted.”
Former New York elevator operator
The Facts of Life: “You Take the Good, You Take the Bad”
There may not be a more efficient television theme lyric … You take the good. You take the bad. You take them both. And there you have: The facts of life.
That’s it. Philosophy degree completed.
The opening theme perfectly captured the show’s basic premise: teenagers growing up, making mistakes, learning lessons and discovering that life was going to be complicated. And then, because this was television in the 1980s, everybody somehow looked incredibly well-dressed while discussing adolescent problems. It’s almost impossible to hear that opening without being transported directly back to a living room with wood paneling and a television that weighed approximately 900 pounds.
Fan Stop Nation’s Life-Lesson Compression Index: 11.7 philosophical concepts delivered before the first commercial break.
“The Facts of Life theme taught us everything we needed to know about adulthood, except how much rent would cost.”
Former Eastland student
No to Be Left Out
Because apparently we are supposed to stop at 15 … which is adorable.
There are too many great television themes to fit into one Hall of Fame, so here’s the Fan Stop Nation Honorable Mention Wing:
- The Brady Bunch — “Here’s a Story”
- The Andy Griffith Show — whistling on the way to Mayberry
- Gilligan’s Island — three-hour tour that somehow became a multi-season nightmare
- The Beverly Hillbillies — another theme song that basically explained the entire show
- Laverne & Shirley — “Making Our Dreams Come True”
- Happy Days — “Happy Days”
- Taxi — “Angela”
- Night Court — that wonderfully weird instrumental groove
- Family Guy — “The History of Television”
- Scrubs — television’s most aggressively dramatic oil-family entrance
- The Simpsons — Danny Elfman creating one of the most recognizable animated themes ever
- The Wonder Years — Joe Cocker’s “With a Little Help from My Friends”
- Perfect Strangers — “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now”
- Full House — “Everywhere You Look”
- The X-Files — the theme that convinced millions of people aliens were absolutely real
- MacGyver — the music equivalent of finding a paper clip and immediately constructing a helicopter
- Knight Rider — synthesizers doing 87 percent of the acting
- The Fall Guy — “The Unknown Stuntman”
- Dallas — television’s most aggressively dramatic oil-family entrance
- Frasier — tossed salad and scrambled eggs never sounded more satisfying
- Ted Lasso — The theme song sounds like optimism, friendship and emotional damage wearing a cardigan and drinking tea.
- The Office — Four seconds of that piano and suddenly you’re ready to spend another nine seasons watching people do absolutely no work.
- Parks and Recreation — A theme song with the exact energy of a municipal government that somehow has a functioning jazz band.
- Three’s Company — Pure late-70s sunshine, questionable living arrangements and the overwhelming confidence that nobody will ever find out what’s really happening upstairs.
- CHiPs — The musical equivalent of putting on aviator sunglasses and deciding traffic violations are now your personal responsibility.
- New Girl — Cheerful, bouncy and aggressively optimistic, basically the musical version of entering a loft full of roommates you probably shouldn’t trust.
- Mad Men — Three seconds in and you’re falling down an elevator shaft in a suit while pretending everything is completely under control.
- Malcolm in the Middle — The theme song arrives like someone just kicked open the door to your childhood and yelled, “Life’s unfair!”
- Phineas and Ferb — The rare theme song that makes building a backyard roller coaster before dinner sound like a perfectly reasonable Tuesday.
- In Living Color — The opening credits hit like somebody threw a bucket of fluorescent paint at television and told network executives to deal with it.
- The Drew Carey Show — Nothing says 1990s sitcom quite like a bunch of adults singing about Cleveland while Drew Carey appears to be having the time of his life.
- Beverly Hills, 90210 — That saxophone doesn’t just say “teen drama,” it says “somebody in a convertible is about to make a catastrophically bad decision.”
- Seinfeld — Technically not a traditional theme song, but those funky bass riffs somehow made four people standing around talking about nothing feel like appointment television.
- Scooby-Doo — The musical equivalent of running through a haunted mansion while a guy in a green shirt screams “Zoinks!” approximately every 14 seconds.
- The Flintstones — Before there were cars, smartphones or electricity, there was Fred Flintstone cruising home from work to the greatest prehistoric commute song ever recorded.
- Cops — “Bad Boys” turned getting arrested on grainy VHS-quality television into one of the most recognizable opening sequences in TV history.
- Welcome Back, Kotter — John Sebastian’s theme is pure 1970s nostalgia, somehow making a Brooklyn high school sound like the place where everybody’s favorite uncle went to find himself.
- WKRP in Cincinnati, The Monkees, I Dream of Jeanie, South Park, Bonanza, Gunsmoke, All in the Family, Sopranos, Sesame Street, Duck Tales, Rescue Rangers, Sanford and Son, Knight Rider, Simon and Simon, The Love Boat, Doogie Howser, MD, Punky Brewster, Different Strokes
And yes, there are approximately 400 more we could list. This is why making a definitive list of television theme songs is basically impossible … and also why it is so much fun!
The Fan Stop Nation Skip Intro Resistance Index
Streaming changed television forever, but it also committed one of the great crimes against Xennial culture: it gave us the Skip Intro button.
We spent decades waiting for technology to make television easier. Then technology arrived and immediately tried to erase one of our favorite parts. The opening credits were never wasted time. They were the ritual. You heard the song, and knew where you were and who you were with, and settled into the couch.
Maybe you yelled for somebody to bring you a Coke. Maybe the phone rang [and let the machine get it]. Maybe your parents told you to turn the volume down. Maybe you had just enough time to finish your bowl of cereal before the show started.
The theme song was the starting gun, and there was something special about knowing that millions of other people were hearing the exact same 45 seconds at exactly the same time.
That’s gone now. Mostly. And that becomes more tragic the further it’s removed.
The Final Note
Today’s television can be spectacular.
The cinematography is better. The effects are better. The storytelling is often better. But, there was something magical about television when the theme song mattered. When you didn’t need to see the title card to know what you were watching.
- Three notes from Miami Vice could transport you to South Beach.
- The A-Team drums made you believe a van was about to launch through a wall.
- “Thank You for Being a Friend” could remind you of your worldly great aunt.
The music was real, and that’s why the greatest television theme songs aren’t just songs … they’re memories with a soundtrack.
For Xennials, they’re the musical equivalent of finding an old VHS tape in the basement and discovering that the tape isn’t what matters … it’s the three minutes of commercials, promos and theme music before the action starts. That’s the stuff you remember.
And somewhere, in a parallel universe, a television executive is still screaming: “don’t skip the intro!”
An Ode to Shows Gone By
TV shows and series these days give us the option to skip the intro, and in many cases … it’s warranted. It feels like the producers say, “we need to get as much story as we can, so give me an 8 second keyboard fill or an etheral pad [looking at you, LOST], and call it good.”
Then there are old school creators and producers who are still doing it today … and doing it well. A good TV intro sets the stage, and keeps you wanting more. Few do it better than Phil Rosenthal with Somebody Feed Phil and the theme from Lake Street Dive.
This one’s even on one of my Spotify playlists (along with Greatest American Hero), so you know it’s a jam!
